


Mistakes Were Made

by katling



Series: Tony Stark Bingo [21]
Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Author is salty, Civil War Team Iron Man, Kidnapping, M/M, Multi, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Tony is tired of being kidnapped, and so is tony, but pleased that the same mistakes always get made, moderated for my peace of mind, not team Cap friendly, sam wilson is confused
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-09-06 15:42:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20293933
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/katling/pseuds/katling
Summary: Tony has been kidnapped more time than he cares to admit. It's almost always cliche and the kidnappers always seem to make the same mistakes. Not that he minds. Those mistakes are always to his advantage. Features a confused Sam Wilson and a not-the-damsel-in-distress Tony Stark.Written for the Tony Stark Bingo 2019 - Square K2: Cliche





	Mistakes Were Made

**Author's Note:**

> And I'm having Sam be kidnapped alongside Tony again. I'm not sure why that's a thing in my mind but there we go.

Tony looked around the small room he’d woken up in and sighed. “This is such a cliché.”

“This is a cliché?”

Tony managed to not react at all to the incredulous question from his companion. Sam Wilson wasn’t the worst person he could have been kidnapped with but that didn’t mean that Tony felt any kind of ‘hail fellow and well met’ sentiments towards the man. Wilson had been hostile ever since the Rogues (or Scavengers… he’d seen that one used on the internet and kind of preferred it) had returned from their self-imposed exile in Wakanda to find that _everything_ had changed and they were no longer the golden children.

Though Tony suspected that Wilson’s hostility lay less in that aspect of their return, since he’d been about the only one among the Rogues to actually try and assimilate into the new way of doing things, and more in the fact that Rogers was continuing his lying ways and hadn’t told his buddies the truth about what happened in Siberia. Tony would have been annoyed at that but things hadn’t only changed in the Avengers. Tony had changed himself, helped enormously by his new relationship, and he no longer gave a damn about the Rogues and what they thought of him. They weren’t his family and they sure as hell weren’t his friends and therefore their opinions meant nothing.

“Well, after the tenth kidnapping, you start to realise that the kind of people who do this aren’t really big on imagination,” he said idly as he examined the lock. “I mean, they throw us in a room with no surveillance. Mistake one. They didn’t search either of us properly. Mistake two.” He turned and gave Wilson a smile that had too many teeth and not enough amusement. “And they kidnapped _me_. Mistake three.”

He was pleased to see that Wilson looked a little unnerved and he turned back to the lock. “And, of course, there’s mistake number four. They didn’t take my boyfriends into account. That’s probably the biggest mistake of them all.”

If he wasn’t in the middle of a kidnapping, he’d have smiled at the perplexed silence that was coming from Wilson in waves. 

“Your… boyfriends?” Wilson finally said.

Tony suppressed a snicker. He’d thought that was the part Wilson would get hung up on. Only Rogers knew about Tony’s new relationship and that was only because he’d barged into the East Wing – where he was _not_ supposed to be in the first place – and had walked in on an intimate moment. Nothing sexual had been going on but it had been nonetheless pretty obvious that the relationship between Tony and the other two men was not platonic.

“I thought Rogers would have told you.” He paused then continued dryly, “Oh wait… I forgot. If there’s one thing he’s good at, it’s keeping secrets.”

Now he could feel the indignation coming from Wilson. “Steve’s not like that,” he snapped.

Tony snorted. “He didn’t tell you want happened in Siberia, did he? Oh, I’m sure he told you all _something_. He had to make himself look good, after all, but I’m betting it wasn’t the truth.” He turned just enough to arch an eyebrow at Wilson. “And I don’t make bets like that unless I already know I’m going to win.”

Wilson shifted and though his expression was mulish, there was something in his body language that told Tony that he’d hit a nerve. So, Rogers _had_ lied but had done so in a way that had made Wilson suspicious. Which was warring with his apparently ingrained need to agree with everything Rogers said or did.

“He told me enough,” Wilson replied almost sullenly. “Enough to know you didn’t go there as a friend.”

Tony snorted. “Yep, he definitely lied to you.”

Wilson was silent for a moment. “Then what happened?”

“Isn’t that a question you should be asking him?” Tony said with a sardonic smirk. “After all, you’re the one who thinks he’s the champion of truth and justice.”

Wilson didn’t say anything but instead sat in silence, his brow furrowed. Tony dismissed him from his immediate thoughts and turned back to the lock. He could easily pick it since they hadn’t searched him except to see if he was carrying a weapon but he also knew his boyfriends would be coming for him. His gauntlet watch had gone into an automatic distress mode the moment he’d been snatched up and the cavalry would be coming. It was just a question of whether he waited for them or if he rescued Wilson and himself and met them at the door. He decided on the latter. It was always amusing to watch them pout and it would _absolutely_ be fun to make it up to them.

He used the nanotech in his watch gauntlet to form a thin lockpick and got to work. The lock was old but not terribly sophisticated and it made Tony roll his eyes at kidnappers who had the audacity to think that something like this could hold him.

“What are you doing?” Wilson said after a minute or two.

“I’m thinking it’s time to blow this popsicle stand,” Tony said then he paused for a moment. “And blow it _up_ too, if that’s possible.”

“Wait… what… how did you…?” Wilson stammered as he got to his feet and hurried over to peer over Tony’s shoulder.

“I told you. Mistake two. They didn’t search us properly,” Tony replied absently, most of his attention on the lock. “I mean, they frisked us for weapons but what idiot thinks that just because I don’t carry a gun, I’m somehow helpless?”

The loaded silence from behind him made him grin. That question hadn’t been a throw away one. He knew the opinion the Rogues had of him outside his suit, an opinion fostered by a certain spider who probably shouldn’t go around passing herself off as a profiler, given how bad she was at it.

“The Ten Rings thought Tony Stark would be a pushover,” he continued in a conversational tone. “And look what happened to them. Aha!”

The lock clicked and clunked and with a flourish, Tony pushed it open. He smirked at Wilson then activated his gauntlet and peered around the corner in both directions. He sighed then and rolled his eyes.

“I mean, really? No guards? These guys are beyond cliché, they’re rank amateurs. I feel like I’ve been kidnapped by clowns. Except clowns would be scarier.” He affected a shiver. “Clowns are creepy.”

He picked an arbitrary direction and lead the way with his gauntlet at the ready. Wilson followed behind him in somewhat perplexed silence, something Tony approved of. It was about time Wilson confronted a few of his preconceived notions and thought about whether what he _thought_ he knew was actually correct. 

He made a right at the next corner and then another right and lucked out when they ended up in front of a door that said: Control Room.

“Those are two good words,” he said, mostly to himself. He turned to Wilson. “How good are you at hand to hand combat? I’m assuming you had some training in that?”

Wilson nodded. “Yeah, I can hold my own against ordinary people.”

“Good.” Tony turned back to the door and held his gauntlet ready. “On three. One, two, three!”

He shoved the door open and fired at the first moving thing he saw. With four quick shots, he had all the people in the control room down and a quick glance showed him this was the only door in or out. He ushered Wilson in and gestured to the unconscious people.

“Find something to tie them up. I’ll see what their computers can tell me.”

He headed for the nearest terminal and started typing. He heard Wilson moving around behind him and assumed he was doing what he’d been asked to do. It took a few minutes to work out their system but soon he was navigating through their file system and shaking his head in disbelief.

“Ugh,” he said. “Hammertech. Why does he even bother? And why is he out of prison and annoying me?” Just as he said that, there was a quiet whooshing noise from behind them.

“Because you’re strangely adorable and that makes most sensible people want to keep you.”

Tony turned and grinned at Loki who had stepped out of Stephen’s portal just a fraction before the sorcerer. “Aww, I wanted to rescue us and meet you at the entrance.”

Stephen looked around the room and raised an eyebrow at the unconscious kidnappers. “A sterling effort on their part, I see.”

“Sadly, we were kidnapped by idiots,” Tony replied as he typed in a few commands. “Now, we should really get out of here. In a couple of minutes, their entire mainframe is going to wipe itself clean and who knows _what_ that’ll do here.”

Loki stepped aside and gestured grandly to the portal. “Your portal awaits.”

“They’re your boyfriends?” Wilson said incredulously and all three of them turned to stare at him with varying levels or annoyance and judgement.

“Yep,” Tony said smugly. Then he shooed Wilson towards the portal. “Now come on, through you go and back to your nice little life of judgement and delusion. I need to go snuggle with my boyfriends to recover from this traumatic experience.”

Loki and Stephen snorted in unison and Tony snickered at them. Wilson stared at them then shook his head and stepped through the portal. Tony followed then Loki and finally Stephen. In his wake, the portal disappeared and a large, rather obnoxious timer began to tick down on the screens of all the terminals in the room.


End file.
